Please don't judge me
"In some ways, it feels wrong to admit that I enjoy being away from my home and my family for the day. " --Yup. But you also have to be a human being outside of your home and your family in order to be the best dad when you're with them. <3 Thanks for sharing!
Thoroughly enjoy reading your work. -thank you Lyle
And you're allowed to crave alone time. Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm glad you have a safe "office" to work from that gives you that time to find balance, even if it is while you're working.
P.S. Sounds like Allison is kicking butt at work. Give her a hug from me. Miss you.
My story feels sillier, but since you asked... We invited our 70+ year old downstairs neighbor up to sing happy birthday to Tony and share a slice of homemade chocolate cake with us earlier this month. We've basically been in a bubble together since the pandemic started. We all wore masks, lit the birthday candles, sang, and then Tony and Tori blew out the candles... you know, the ones ON THE CAKE we were about to cut up and share with our neighbor. Facepalm. So yea, make cupcakes and put the candles ONLY on the one the birthday person is going to eat.
No one is going to judge you as much as you judge yourself. While I don't compare my parenting experience with anyone, much less someone dealing with the unique challenges of CP - I am fully guilty of hiding in the bathroom or my car (once for FOUR HOURS!) for some respite. I have given my kids experiences (parks and play dates with one friend) that I still don't know are the right decision. I've dropped them with vulnerable grandparents in order to get things done. We make so many decisions for our kids before they can make their own and I have the skill of playing out every horrific consequence of each of them. Part of the price of parenthood is the risk of making a decision that you may have trouble forgiving yourself for.
It's so hard to be vigilant. Even with severe asthma, I find myself making questionable decisions from time to time in the last year, and those times are usually when I'm stressed/tired/anxious about life things I can't control which kinda feels like everything lately.
Nobody is perfect. Everyone can improve. Thank you for being vulnerable and showing us this small section of your life, Lyle. I always appreciate your honesty.
Don't beat yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes. It's what makes us human. Just be glad that it all worked out ok. Sometimes you save the day and sometimes Allison saves the day. Teamwork!!