A letter to my wife

...on Mother's Day

Dear Allison,

Today is Mother’s Day—your 15th with Sara and your 5th with our daughter Em.

I re-watched the video we forgot we filmed with the Ceres Project¹ last night. After I got over how different I looked, both younger and also about 20 pounds heavier, I remembered how strong you were, despite how difficult our life had been up until then. I looked it up in our calendar and it was filmed on June 13th, 2019, just nine days after Em’s first birthday. The day she was born was the hardest day of both of our lives. Em wasn’t breathing at birth and our life dramatically changed as we began to learn just how severe her cerebral palsy disability was.

I remember filming it and feeling like we had come so far and that, perhaps, the worst was behind us. And yet, at that moment, we still had no idea what was in store for us in the coming years.

There was the pandemic, of course. But that was nothing compared to another challenge that hit you personally later on. One that I won’t go into detail about publicly, but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I’m still in awe of the work you did to stare it in the face, despite everything in your body screaming at you to do otherwise, and you eventually overcame it.

Upon reflection, it seems like that experience was the catalyst for you to lean into being your authentic self. I’ve watched you become a woman who’s not afraid to say yes to what you want, and, more importantly, no to whatever you don’t. This is something I strive to do better myself and I’m lucky to be able to learn from you.

Your compassion and thoughtfulness for others is incredible, especially towards those in the thick of it like we were back when we badly needed those meal deliveries from Ceres. I’m blown away by how you always show up for others enthusiastically and with a full heart while we still have so much going on at home—like being awake to comfort Em from 12:30 - 3 am the other morning, for example. Not to mention all the important work you do with patients and the several concurrent work projects you’re heading up.

Yet no matter what, you always put our family first.

When you’ve been helping Em while she’s struggling or in pain after her recent surgery, I’ve often thought about the first week of Em’s life, when she was in the NICU, and she turned to your voice after one of the times she coded. I’ll never forget the beauty of that moment within the midst of the chaos around us during that intense time.

I’ve also seen you show up and be a champion for Sara, while also allowing her to be herself and grow into the person she wants to become.

I’m amazed that while all this is going on you’re still able to make time for yourself.

That’s what today is for—yourself. It’s a day for you to swim at the pool, to read your latest book, to visit with your daughters, to cook for fun, to have no agenda, and to rest. You’re off for today.

I hereby change the name of today’s holiday at our house.

Happy Mother’s Day of Rest, babe.

Love you,

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1. Ceres Project is an incredible non-profit that provides free or low-cost meals to people dealing with serious illnesses. Allison was able to give back to them and volunteered in their Santa Rosa kitchen a couple of years ago. They recently had to unexpectedly and suddenly close that kitchen and can use donations to help them through this time. Any amount helps.