I'm so glad you're at Foster! I can't imagine a more perfect fit. Otherwise, very much relate to so much of what you wrote above -- from the need to recover from burnout to memories of credit card debt to work being tied in with identity. Anyway, I hope things feel more sabbatical-esque soon. You deserve a bit of respite.
I work only 4 days a week... I make myself a a available for what’s to be done. Friday I “live” my personal life with chores, life projects, appointments, ... Saturday I include my hobbies, friends social... and Sundays I turn off my phone and I practice being. If I don’t get invitations for fun that feels like “hell yes” latest on Thursday, I don’t do anything that Sunday even if it’s hard sometimes to say no (afraid I am missing something fun) but I always end up rested and happy with myself being in my own juicy time... and ready to meet the world of service again.
I love how you structure it so it becomes routine (in a good way). I can do that most weeks, but because I have a child with a disability there always seems to be some unexpected monkey wrench that gets thrown into the mix
What a great way to structure your time off. 2 days is simply not enough for humans to be their best selves. I love having my house and chores in order before socialising too, keeps my anxiety at ease haha.
It sounds like this has been a very valuable time for you to learn more about yourself and how you relate to work, family, time, and responsibilities. I can completely understand saying yes too often and wanting to Do All The Things--only to run up against the wall of human limitation.
But that’s the whole point: We’re human, and we can only do so much. We do, as you pointed out, need to give ourselves grace and lean into what’s most important. Something that I try to remind myself of on a regular basis is that life has seasons. What we’re doing at any given moment probably isn’t what we’re going to do forever. I find that realization gives a great deal of freedom to experiment, fall down, get up again, and go forward with what worked while letting go of what didn’t.
Great reflection on finding the right work to fulfill what you want out of life. Totally relate to the part about starting a new job, not asking questions and wanting to look like you're confident and have it figured out - that was me last year. I called it "perfectionism" when it was more similar to what it sounds like you experienced, a discomfort with being vulnerable and accepting that we don't know everything.
Whatever it is, I think we are conditioned toward it by a society that pushes the idea of needing to have it all together and become an overnight success. Those stories conveniently leave out the part about the years or decades of learning that come first…
I have always yearned for that "sabbatical" or, even more often, a retreat or something that would allow me to write full time at least for a period of time. And by writing, I mean time to think, to noodle, to read, to reflect AND to write stuff down.
Like you and Allison in this period, work has always happened for me in the context of parenthood, the single variety. And now, when those days are long gone, I find that a life full of people and relationships and responsibilities means the balancing act continues. There are the jobs that generate income and/or a sense of identity. Then there is the meaningful work that means giving up huge chunks of that other work. I see you working out that balance both in life and in your own heart and mind. It's clear that Em is in good hands and so is your writing - I guess your sabbatical is not work-free but can potentially operate in much the same way: you get to see what happens and what new insights arise when what you do every day and assume every day are suddenly very different.
I love that framing of this time for me right now. I think more time is what I need now too, meaning more time needs to pass in order for me to adjust and feel more comfortable with my current situation.
Congrats on hitting 2k Lyle! Tobi is currently in England haha
Even though our circumstances are different, I can definitely relate to some of what you said - 1) the battle between abundance vs scarcity mindset 2) the identity piece of making money and how it makes us feel 3) not asking for help enough
I love that you ended with trying to be more gracious with yourself. That's so important, I try to tell myself all the time. It's so easy to get wrapped up in "I should doing X or Y" or making that decision over this. But there has to be an undertone of grace because like you said there's a big transition happening. And it's bound to feel jarring at certain points, we're walking in unfamiliar territory. But hopefully it gets better over time. So I wish you the best in this new season! Also, it's great you're working with Foster :)
Lyle, thank you so much for sharing my essay! I really enjoy talking to people about their sabbaticals, and it was interesting reading about your experience. Even though my background is different, I resonated with so much of what you said! When I transitioned out of the corporate world into my sabbatical, it was rough in a lot of ways. Like you mentioned, there’s a whole question of identity that crops up that used to be falsely safeguarded by a job title. I love the term sabbaticalish too haha I feel as if that’s the zone I’ve merged into now, and it’s not a bad place to be. Good luck with the rest of your sabbatical! I think it’ll be something you get used to and will cherish when you look back on this time in your life.
I wrote an essay earlier in the year called “Sabbatical Mindset” where I wrote about my own experience transitioning into a sabbatical.
I took five months of unpaid parental leave when my eldest was 6months old (after her mum went back to work). Many of the same sorts of realisations with regards to money, identity, etc. Glad to have been able to do it, though it'd be great to have the same opportunity now that we have another and they're both older and more interesting! We'll see if I can swing something.
Thanks so much for sharing this, Lyle! So much of what you’re feeling resonates with me. The scarcity mindset, the surprising degree of identification with work, the struggle to give yourself grace -- I’ve felt those deeply since I started my sabbatical.
It feels quite ironic how so many people take sabbaticals with the expectation of a certain degree of freedom, but we are so hard on ourselves, becoming prisoner to so many different internal narratives, that we struggle to enjoy that freedom. Such a tough, rollercoaster experience but I try to remember every roadblock and uncomfortable feeling is an opportunity for growth. I’ve found the growth isn’t linear - some weeks feel great and some feel like 10 steps backward toward discomfort and fear - but it’s really cool as you get deeper in to it to look back and see how far you’ve come on the whole.
Wishing you so much luck with all the new and different experiences on your plate these days :)
Thanks so much for the validating comment, Syd. I’m already feeling a bit more settled, which is part of why I was able to even write about my experience. It has been a culmination of a lot of learnings I’ve been inching toward for awhile. The abrupt change in my day-to-day accelerated those things. While it was jarring, I’m super glad to have gone through it. And I’m sure, like you said, I’ll look back on it and see how far I’ve come.
I'm so glad you're at Foster! I can't imagine a more perfect fit. Otherwise, very much relate to so much of what you wrote above -- from the need to recover from burnout to memories of credit card debt to work being tied in with identity. Anyway, I hope things feel more sabbatical-esque soon. You deserve a bit of respite.
Thanks, Alicia! Sabbatical-esque is a good word for it too!
🔥🔥👌
I work only 4 days a week... I make myself a a available for what’s to be done. Friday I “live” my personal life with chores, life projects, appointments, ... Saturday I include my hobbies, friends social... and Sundays I turn off my phone and I practice being. If I don’t get invitations for fun that feels like “hell yes” latest on Thursday, I don’t do anything that Sunday even if it’s hard sometimes to say no (afraid I am missing something fun) but I always end up rested and happy with myself being in my own juicy time... and ready to meet the world of service again.
I love how you structure it so it becomes routine (in a good way). I can do that most weeks, but because I have a child with a disability there always seems to be some unexpected monkey wrench that gets thrown into the mix
You are blessed to have unexpected twists and turns! Routine could become boring.
❤️
What a great way to structure your time off. 2 days is simply not enough for humans to be their best selves. I love having my house and chores in order before socialising too, keeps my anxiety at ease haha.
Love the turning off the phone on Sunday. I need to do that. I used to.
It sounds like this has been a very valuable time for you to learn more about yourself and how you relate to work, family, time, and responsibilities. I can completely understand saying yes too often and wanting to Do All The Things--only to run up against the wall of human limitation.
But that’s the whole point: We’re human, and we can only do so much. We do, as you pointed out, need to give ourselves grace and lean into what’s most important. Something that I try to remind myself of on a regular basis is that life has seasons. What we’re doing at any given moment probably isn’t what we’re going to do forever. I find that realization gives a great deal of freedom to experiment, fall down, get up again, and go forward with what worked while letting go of what didn’t.
I love the idea of season in our lives. It’s so true
I find it's much easier to look at life in that way instead of trying to take it all on at once.
👌👌👌
What I've always said about this, in short, is "Retire early, and often."
I'd say the first time was after high school, I retired to work for a year before going back to school at Cal Berkeley.
https://open.substack.com/pub/bowendwelle/p/08-the-golden-gate
At thirty-one, I retired to go to grad school and start a business.
https://open.substack.com/pub/bowendwelle/p/12-wired-tired-fired
And then at forty-five, I sold that business and became an semi-pro athlete, adventure guide, and eventually... a writer :)
I love that phrase. Definitely stealing that one 😆
Great reflection on finding the right work to fulfill what you want out of life. Totally relate to the part about starting a new job, not asking questions and wanting to look like you're confident and have it figured out - that was me last year. I called it "perfectionism" when it was more similar to what it sounds like you experienced, a discomfort with being vulnerable and accepting that we don't know everything.
Yeah, it definitely feels distinct from perfectionism. Not sure what the word for it would be, though. Maybe it doesn’t need a word lol
Whatever it is, I think we are conditioned toward it by a society that pushes the idea of needing to have it all together and become an overnight success. Those stories conveniently leave out the part about the years or decades of learning that come first…
So true. There’s no such thing as an overnight success
Touché
Kudos to you on figuring this out as you go.
I have always yearned for that "sabbatical" or, even more often, a retreat or something that would allow me to write full time at least for a period of time. And by writing, I mean time to think, to noodle, to read, to reflect AND to write stuff down.
Like you and Allison in this period, work has always happened for me in the context of parenthood, the single variety. And now, when those days are long gone, I find that a life full of people and relationships and responsibilities means the balancing act continues. There are the jobs that generate income and/or a sense of identity. Then there is the meaningful work that means giving up huge chunks of that other work. I see you working out that balance both in life and in your own heart and mind. It's clear that Em is in good hands and so is your writing - I guess your sabbatical is not work-free but can potentially operate in much the same way: you get to see what happens and what new insights arise when what you do every day and assume every day are suddenly very different.
I love that framing of this time for me right now. I think more time is what I need now too, meaning more time needs to pass in order for me to adjust and feel more comfortable with my current situation.
congrats dude!
Thanks man!
Congrats on hitting 2k Lyle! Tobi is currently in England haha
Even though our circumstances are different, I can definitely relate to some of what you said - 1) the battle between abundance vs scarcity mindset 2) the identity piece of making money and how it makes us feel 3) not asking for help enough
I love that you ended with trying to be more gracious with yourself. That's so important, I try to tell myself all the time. It's so easy to get wrapped up in "I should doing X or Y" or making that decision over this. But there has to be an undertone of grace because like you said there's a big transition happening. And it's bound to feel jarring at certain points, we're walking in unfamiliar territory. But hopefully it gets better over time. So I wish you the best in this new season! Also, it's great you're working with Foster :)
Ah the ‘shoulds’
Thanks, Tobi! Glad I added “I think” when I mentioned where your at right now lol
haha tbh I only got here yesterday. I flew in from Lisbon 30 hours ago or so
Lyle, thank you so much for sharing my essay! I really enjoy talking to people about their sabbaticals, and it was interesting reading about your experience. Even though my background is different, I resonated with so much of what you said! When I transitioned out of the corporate world into my sabbatical, it was rough in a lot of ways. Like you mentioned, there’s a whole question of identity that crops up that used to be falsely safeguarded by a job title. I love the term sabbaticalish too haha I feel as if that’s the zone I’ve merged into now, and it’s not a bad place to be. Good luck with the rest of your sabbatical! I think it’ll be something you get used to and will cherish when you look back on this time in your life.
I wrote an essay earlier in the year called “Sabbatical Mindset” where I wrote about my own experience transitioning into a sabbatical.
https://open.substack.com/pub/michellevarghoose/p/sabbatical-mindset?r=1raa8n&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
Thanks, Michelle!
And thanks for sharing your post. It’s funny, you opened it with a story from Sonoma and that’s where I live!
That’s so funny! I was in the Bay Area for about six years. I have since moved to a small town in the desert, but I love the Sonoma area!
I can’t complain about living in Sonoma, but a small town in the desert sounds quite nice
❤️❤️👌
I took five months of unpaid parental leave when my eldest was 6months old (after her mum went back to work). Many of the same sorts of realisations with regards to money, identity, etc. Glad to have been able to do it, though it'd be great to have the same opportunity now that we have another and they're both older and more interesting! We'll see if I can swing something.
Five months of leave sounds amazing. I can imagine that’s harder to swing with more mouths to feed
Watch this space :)
Thanks so much for sharing this, Lyle! So much of what you’re feeling resonates with me. The scarcity mindset, the surprising degree of identification with work, the struggle to give yourself grace -- I’ve felt those deeply since I started my sabbatical.
It feels quite ironic how so many people take sabbaticals with the expectation of a certain degree of freedom, but we are so hard on ourselves, becoming prisoner to so many different internal narratives, that we struggle to enjoy that freedom. Such a tough, rollercoaster experience but I try to remember every roadblock and uncomfortable feeling is an opportunity for growth. I’ve found the growth isn’t linear - some weeks feel great and some feel like 10 steps backward toward discomfort and fear - but it’s really cool as you get deeper in to it to look back and see how far you’ve come on the whole.
Wishing you so much luck with all the new and different experiences on your plate these days :)
Thanks so much for the validating comment, Syd. I’m already feeling a bit more settled, which is part of why I was able to even write about my experience. It has been a culmination of a lot of learnings I’ve been inching toward for awhile. The abrupt change in my day-to-day accelerated those things. While it was jarring, I’m super glad to have gone through it. And I’m sure, like you said, I’ll look back on it and see how far I’ve come.
Congrats on 2,000! Epic. I just crossed 600. Good stuff. I’m enjoying Substack in general and Notes specifically.
https://michaelmohr.substack.com/p/being-a-free-thinker
Thanks, Michael!