That was a close one

A borderline rant on dealing with uncertainty

Photo by USGS

Today is the closest I’ve come yet to not sending this newsletter.

I know you’re reading this at some point after Saturday, July 2nd at 8:08 am PT. Well, I’m (attempting) to write it at—checks the clock on my laptop—10:27 pm the night before.

There’s too much uncertainty in my life right now—my stepdaughter got COVID so we had to quarantine, which also meant my daughter’s in-home nurse couldn’t work, but then her son also got COVID, which effectively extended our quarantine time, plus the crypto markets have been getting pummeled lately, which is a problem because I work in the crypto space, but I’m weirdly doing the most okay with that because it feels primarily out of my control, although I’m more behind on my work than I’d like to be, not to mention the insane stuff going on in the news that I’ve had zero mental capacity to even properly be upset about yet, and there’s a bunch of other complicated personal stuff going on that I’m not going to divulge publicly, but let’s just say it’s up there with the more difficult things I’ve ever had to navigate, which is saying a lot since I’ve both gotten divorced and had a kid with a disability in my life.

*deep breath*

This is all way too much to worry about. And I don’t do well with worrying. It stresses me out, which I suppose should be obvious. But still, I’m usually a pretty chill person. This all feels unsustainable.

When I worry, I second-guess myself all the damn time, and that often leads to things like procrastination and self-criticism. And then I get annoyed and say things like c’mon Lyle to myself. I know, it’s weird. Or maybe it’s not. I don’t know. But I know, I know, I need to not be so hard on myself. I can hear you thinking that.

Please don’t worry about me. I don’t intend to put my worry on you. I guess I just needed to blurt these words out. I’m actually feeling a little better already.

I know I’ll be fine eventually. I know I’m in a tunnel right now. I know I need to keep moving forward. Because I’m not quite sure which other way I’d go.

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Thanks for being here and for reading my rant piece. It means a lot to me that you’d spend any amount of time with my words.

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