It's brave of you to write about this, Lyle. As someone in the early stages of this process now, I suppose I don't have enough distance to write about it publicly. And I do wrestle with the perennial question that memoirists face of how much of this kind of story is mine to tell. But you're right that there is nothing more clarifying than attending a wedding while feeling distant from a life partner. I suspect it has a catalyzing effect either way: toward repair or separation.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who cancelled all my other OKcupid dates after my first one on the site - did the same thing 11+ years ago. Still with the dang guy. We could be advertisements for OKCupid!
Thanks for sharing buddy. We’re you ever able to get closure with your first marriage? If it were me, not knowing what the root cause of the deterioration of the relationship would haunt me forever.
Ultimately, it was communication breakdown. I realize now that neither of us were truly hearing each other and listening with empathy when really mattered.
What do you think caused the communication breakdown thought? A couple doesn’t just stop listening and feeling for each other one morning, you know? (Also if this is too sensitive, I’ll go back to my Transformers)
I don't mind at all. You're right, it doesn't just suddenly stop. It's more like it accumulates over time. If you're bad at communication even when times are good it's just going to be exacerbated when things aren't going well. Defensiveness was the biggest issue for me personally. I often felt I was being attacked instead of actually listening and hearing her on an emotional level.
What do you think caused you to stop listing and hearing her and caused you to become so defensive and feeling attacked? Sounds like she could have been (at some level) emotionally abusive to have caused you to react to her like that
It's brave of you to write about this, Lyle. As someone in the early stages of this process now, I suppose I don't have enough distance to write about it publicly. And I do wrestle with the perennial question that memoirists face of how much of this kind of story is mine to tell. But you're right that there is nothing more clarifying than attending a wedding while feeling distant from a life partner. I suspect it has a catalyzing effect either way: toward repair or separation.
Thanks, Joshua! I agree that some distance is probably a good thing, for all involved.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who cancelled all my other OKcupid dates after my first one on the site - did the same thing 11+ years ago. Still with the dang guy. We could be advertisements for OKCupid!
Thanks for sharing this life lesson, Lyle.
Lol, so funny! Thanks for always reading, Sasha.
You've become what was missing for you during your break-up. A friend. Your writing is fine, but what you are doing with your life is finer still.
❤️
Thanks for sharing buddy. We’re you ever able to get closure with your first marriage? If it were me, not knowing what the root cause of the deterioration of the relationship would haunt me forever.
Ultimately, it was communication breakdown. I realize now that neither of us were truly hearing each other and listening with empathy when really mattered.
What do you think caused the communication breakdown thought? A couple doesn’t just stop listening and feeling for each other one morning, you know? (Also if this is too sensitive, I’ll go back to my Transformers)
I don't mind at all. You're right, it doesn't just suddenly stop. It's more like it accumulates over time. If you're bad at communication even when times are good it's just going to be exacerbated when things aren't going well. Defensiveness was the biggest issue for me personally. I often felt I was being attacked instead of actually listening and hearing her on an emotional level.
What do you think caused you to stop listing and hearing her and caused you to become so defensive and feeling attacked? Sounds like she could have been (at some level) emotionally abusive to have caused you to react to her like that