I passed out, again
Insightful Lyle, hope you and the fam are well. Did Allison take a pause from writing? Not finding anything recent. Thanks again for all your work
I'm sorry to hear this. It must be incredibly frightening!
My son passes out without much warning every once in a blue moon. We have no idea why other than it is sometimes preceded by some sort of sudden pain. I can tell you: it scares the hell out of me!! He knows that if he feels lightheaded, gets that cold sweat, or whatever, to immediately lie down. This summer he had to lie down at work in the middle of the kitchen of the restaurant he was working. And he still passed out. Freaked everyone out!
Lyle, I'm so glad you had time off with your brother, and that you're reminding all of us again, to be awake in the present, being present and aware, because that's all there is. So right to close out with doing the things because when else are we?
"But through my experiences with the unconscious, I’ve come to believe that there’s nothing beyond our conscious lives."
Yeah, I agree, from a similar experience. One time in college I was hungry and exhausted and fell asleep / passed out in a library waiting for class to start. I woke up several hours later and realized that I had no dreams, no sensations, no thoughts, nothing -- pure nothingness, not even black or closed-eye nothingness but pure absence -- the blindness of the area behind your head, you don't see "black" at the edge of vision, vision just ceases to be part of reality.
I had always been kinda atheistic but that experience really landed for me that death isn't worth worrying about. It's not even painless, it's absent any register of pain to painlessness. It'll feel and be just like how your life felt and was before you were born.
Not to knock on life. Life's pretty fucking cool. I like life. And there's the whole, I may not mind death but my loved ones will have pain if I die thing. I'm not a nihilist. I just firmly know that dying is not worth worrying about.