A Short Story
OK so I have to admit I started reading this the day you published and got TOTALLY DISTRACTED by something -- undoubtedly my mother calling and bothering me about something unimportant -- and am just coming back to finish it now and DAMN LYLE. You really have a talent for fiction.
I really enjoyed this. Great writing. Gut punch: And then she glanced up at him and asked, “What’s your name again?” It rang some bells for me, and I daresay for others.
Your first time writing fiction? Wow. Just wow.
It’s just as good the second time!💕
Yesss fiction!! You need to flex these muscles more often! And who doesn’t love a haunting diner “love” story?! 😅
loved this dude. couldn't stop reading
Wow holy cow, I wasn’t expecting anything that cool at 5am. Glad I took the chance to check my phone. Usually, I don’t read anything except news, political bs, or etc., thank you I didn’t know how much I needed nudged off my path to becoming old grouch. You really could do some serious good in the world with a gift like yours!🤓
This was a fun and interesting read, Lyle. Will you be continuing to write fiction? I hope so.
When is the sequel coming?
This is a real gem, Lyle -- the first fiction from you I have read. Spare, clean, and beautifully edited.
( I notice you care about getting each word right. ) Provocative opening line pulled me right in. "He was so unremarkable, so unnoticeable, that he wasn’t even bullied." Beautiful! "And then she glanced up at him and asked, “What’s your name again?” You have tweaked our hearts. His aversion to swearing -- even in his head was so endearing. The self-deprecation and the names he calls himself. The only thing he likes about himself is that he shows up early for work? Poor guy. Hints about his parent's indifference., made me want to grandmother him. The question "Who needs to give you permission...?" The lovely twist at the end. I found this story up-lifting. I am a fool for happily ever after, as life is seldom like that. A fine piece, Mr McKeany. I hope to see more of this side of you. Sharron at 🍁Leaves.
Just stumbled across this story and loved it!
Very fun read.
You built the characters very nicely - we don't have a mental image of Joel but we can clearly see Lisa (I'm using the royal "We" here, of course.) Keep playing with fiction!!
Loved this one Lyle, was a fun reread too:)
Am I noticing something irrelevant, but starting with
“Joel is pacing around his house. He hasn’t been back to the Piner Diner, to see Lisa, for three days”, the verb tense is all present tense, whereas before that, there were a variety of verb tenses. I just wondered if that is deliberate?, or if I am weird to wonder 😅
What a lovely ending, Lyle -- surprising but plausible. Now we have to decide for ourselves who Lisa is. I like open-ended stories. Excellent!
You definitely should give fiction a chance. This is very good.