This is a fascinating subject because I often try to steer conversation toward a more meaningful place, only to find that few want to go there. There are so many who want to keep things at the surface, and I find it challenging to connect with people there. I won’t remember them at all if we haven’t at least gotten to emotional first base lol.
And the note about your dad staying at the surface really struck me. With family, I’m often asking myself “are they just not opening up to me?” or “are they really only interested in the weather?” Which leads me to wonder whether I should stop trying to learn more about them and their ideas about the world, and just talk about the weather?
I think some people don’t want to go to an emotionally vulnerable place because it can be scary and uncomfortable. I wonder if you treat it more like an improv thing and keep the convo going with “yes, and”-type statements. It could lead you somewhere interesting. Or maybe not, but that’s okay too.
This piece resonates with me on an incredibly deep level, especially the part about small talk being the gauge for the trajectory of a convo. There’s just so much meaty information in that small talk and I think people too often overlook the importance of what could be considered an unimportant component of human interaction. I too use words like “gnarly” and “stoked” and, as a psychologist, I’ve found this casual vernacular to be very disarming to others…it somehow communicates “safety” in a weird way that I haven’t figured out yet but it works and that’s pretty rad! Love your writing Lyle! Miss you amigo!
Our weather just broke. Yesterday was 93 degrees with penetrating sun, static stillness and thick humidity. Today it's barely 80 degrees with a breeze that tells of Autumn. I so appreciate your post. Like you know, if we take the time to really listen, then small talk can be so connective, but I never really thought of this until reading you. I need to employ more patience and listening when I find myself in the midst of small talk, and i will likely think of you when that happens!
Lyle I met you at Birch hill in NJ during pressure 4-5 days. (I was actually on the street team). I thoroughly enjoy reading your heart felt blog. For small talk. Life in NJ is good and doing a fantasy football draft with my son tomorrow.
Wow. I think i might even have an autograph as well just no camera phones at that time ha. (we are old) Thanks so much for kind words. still waiting for next demo coming my way jk jk. Hope the family is well and cant wait for next blog/post
When my guitar students come in, I ask them a variation on “what is new in your world?” Most of the time the reply is “not much”, but sometimes they share.
This has changed my view on small talk. It's the gateway to either no talk or "deep talk". I like it. Great introspective piece as usual. (I also put this same comment under Jae's comment).
My go-to small talk topic is pets. During lockdown, I would have many discovery/business calls, and just starting the convo with something "don't mind the barking in the background" would really help break the ice.
That's really cool ems home nurse is now a class aid. That's nice to hear. I bet it makes em feel more at ease. I really hope em likes preschool. And I hope your other daughter has a good school year too. ☺️ Yeah, I love will Ferrell and Chris kattan. I don't think anyone does humor like that anymore. It's just silly fun. I don't blame you guys for staying in the a/c. When it's that hot outside, it just makes you feel miserable and makes it hard to do anything, anywhere. How's your wife's blog coming along? Please let her know, I really learned a lot from it and it got me thinking about more about what me and my husband eat.
She will get back to writing it eventually. She has a lot going on these days and needs some time away from it for now. I will let her know how much it has helped you. That’s so great to hear!
Sep 4, 2022·edited Sep 4, 2022Liked by Lyle McKeany
Hey lyle! I live in Louisiana and it's really rainy here right now. It's a nice break from our usual weather which is normally uncomfortably humid and hot. As for my job, I work with my husband and his family at a trading post. It's basically a resell shop but we trying to make it just like a store from the old west where you can buy, trade, or sell us things. My favorite books is a series called "Nancy Drew". It's meant for young adults but it's the book series my grandma taught me how to read with and it holds very special memories for me. Especially right now since my grandma has dementia. My favorite movies are Casablanca,Man Up, and Night at the Roxbury. And as for what I am up to lately, I'm mostly working and just trying to get motivated to finish my book. I really love the idea of being a writer and writing a story close to my heart but having trouble staying motivated enough to actually write. It's, (and me), is a process, I guess. How's the weather where you and your family live? If it's okay to ask, hows your daughter's? Is em doing okay? Anyways, Looking forward to your next letter of the week.☺️ Hope you and your family is doing good.
The most surprising thing you wrote is that Night at the Roxbury is one of your favorite movies. I love that. The trading post sounds like a fun place to visit too.
The weather is quite hot right now. It’s supposed to crack 100° tomorrow, so we’ll be inside with the a/c on a lot.
Em is good. She just started preschool. I think she enjoys it even though her class is a bit chaotic. She’s the only kid with a physical disability. The others have things like down syndrome and autism, so they can run around and most of them can talk too. The cool thing is that Em’s at home nurse who has helped her for a few years was hired by the school to be her in-class aid. We’re really happy about that.
Well, the funny part is that he has created a lot of this anger and divisiveness but is pretending he has nothing to do with it..... he's a WEFer so he takes zero responsibility for all the messes they are causing....
Oh yeah, I’m very familiar with the LA traffic talk. I lived in Santa Barbara for a decade or so, but spent a lot of time in LA with my old band. And a lot of that time was spent sitting in traffic. Don’t even get me started on the 405!
I'm also an introvert and I can't stand small talk. BUT... this post by Lyle has changed my view on small talk. It's the gateway to either no talk or "deep talk". I like it.
This is a fascinating subject because I often try to steer conversation toward a more meaningful place, only to find that few want to go there. There are so many who want to keep things at the surface, and I find it challenging to connect with people there. I won’t remember them at all if we haven’t at least gotten to emotional first base lol.
And the note about your dad staying at the surface really struck me. With family, I’m often asking myself “are they just not opening up to me?” or “are they really only interested in the weather?” Which leads me to wonder whether I should stop trying to learn more about them and their ideas about the world, and just talk about the weather?
I think some people don’t want to go to an emotionally vulnerable place because it can be scary and uncomfortable. I wonder if you treat it more like an improv thing and keep the convo going with “yes, and”-type statements. It could lead you somewhere interesting. Or maybe not, but that’s okay too.
This piece resonates with me on an incredibly deep level, especially the part about small talk being the gauge for the trajectory of a convo. There’s just so much meaty information in that small talk and I think people too often overlook the importance of what could be considered an unimportant component of human interaction. I too use words like “gnarly” and “stoked” and, as a psychologist, I’ve found this casual vernacular to be very disarming to others…it somehow communicates “safety” in a weird way that I haven’t figured out yet but it works and that’s pretty rad! Love your writing Lyle! Miss you amigo!
Very well put. That is pretty rad! Miss you too, my friend.
Our weather just broke. Yesterday was 93 degrees with penetrating sun, static stillness and thick humidity. Today it's barely 80 degrees with a breeze that tells of Autumn. I so appreciate your post. Like you know, if we take the time to really listen, then small talk can be so connective, but I never really thought of this until reading you. I need to employ more patience and listening when I find myself in the midst of small talk, and i will likely think of you when that happens!
Sounds like a lovely day ❤️
Lyle I met you at Birch hill in NJ during pressure 4-5 days. (I was actually on the street team). I thoroughly enjoy reading your heart felt blog. For small talk. Life in NJ is good and doing a fantasy football draft with my son tomorrow.
I remember that Birch Hill venue well! That's so cool that you were on our street team. Have fun and good luck with your draft!
Wow. I think i might even have an autograph as well just no camera phones at that time ha. (we are old) Thanks so much for kind words. still waiting for next demo coming my way jk jk. Hope the family is well and cant wait for next blog/post
When my guitar students come in, I ask them a variation on “what is new in your world?” Most of the time the reply is “not much”, but sometimes they share.
I like that because it’s an invitation to share more deeply but without a ton of pressure.
Yes. It opens the door. But leaves it up to them.
This has changed my view on small talk. It's the gateway to either no talk or "deep talk". I like it. Great introspective piece as usual. (I also put this same comment under Jae's comment).
I’m so glad it helped give you a new perspective on it!
My go-to small talk topic is pets. During lockdown, I would have many discovery/business calls, and just starting the convo with something "don't mind the barking in the background" would really help break the ice.
Pets is a great one since so many people have one or did at some point in their life. That's a good line too!
That's really cool ems home nurse is now a class aid. That's nice to hear. I bet it makes em feel more at ease. I really hope em likes preschool. And I hope your other daughter has a good school year too. ☺️ Yeah, I love will Ferrell and Chris kattan. I don't think anyone does humor like that anymore. It's just silly fun. I don't blame you guys for staying in the a/c. When it's that hot outside, it just makes you feel miserable and makes it hard to do anything, anywhere. How's your wife's blog coming along? Please let her know, I really learned a lot from it and it got me thinking about more about what me and my husband eat.
She will get back to writing it eventually. She has a lot going on these days and needs some time away from it for now. I will let her know how much it has helped you. That’s so great to hear!
Hey lyle! I live in Louisiana and it's really rainy here right now. It's a nice break from our usual weather which is normally uncomfortably humid and hot. As for my job, I work with my husband and his family at a trading post. It's basically a resell shop but we trying to make it just like a store from the old west where you can buy, trade, or sell us things. My favorite books is a series called "Nancy Drew". It's meant for young adults but it's the book series my grandma taught me how to read with and it holds very special memories for me. Especially right now since my grandma has dementia. My favorite movies are Casablanca,Man Up, and Night at the Roxbury. And as for what I am up to lately, I'm mostly working and just trying to get motivated to finish my book. I really love the idea of being a writer and writing a story close to my heart but having trouble staying motivated enough to actually write. It's, (and me), is a process, I guess. How's the weather where you and your family live? If it's okay to ask, hows your daughter's? Is em doing okay? Anyways, Looking forward to your next letter of the week.☺️ Hope you and your family is doing good.
The most surprising thing you wrote is that Night at the Roxbury is one of your favorite movies. I love that. The trading post sounds like a fun place to visit too.
The weather is quite hot right now. It’s supposed to crack 100° tomorrow, so we’ll be inside with the a/c on a lot.
Em is good. She just started preschool. I think she enjoys it even though her class is a bit chaotic. She’s the only kid with a physical disability. The others have things like down syndrome and autism, so they can run around and most of them can talk too. The cool thing is that Em’s at home nurse who has helped her for a few years was hired by the school to be her in-class aid. We’re really happy about that.
https://gettr.com/post/p1peq9r43ee
This is happening in Canada and it's apparently why we are angry?.... hmmmmmm.....
Oof, yeah. That whole thing is not pretty. I do think it’s possible to be angry at more than one thing, though.
Well, the funny part is that he has created a lot of this anger and divisiveness but is pretending he has nothing to do with it..... he's a WEFer so he takes zero responsibility for all the messes they are causing....
Traffic! When it’s hot like now, we talk about the weather in LA, or heaven forbid if it should rain. But traffic is our go-to small talk.
Oh yeah, I’m very familiar with the LA traffic talk. I lived in Santa Barbara for a decade or so, but spent a lot of time in LA with my old band. And a lot of that time was spent sitting in traffic. Don’t even get me started on the 405!
Dude, there is never a time of day or night that dang freeway isn’t effed up somehow.
Lol, so true. It’s awful.
Somehow we've written the same thing at the same time in different ways. All thanks to the weather, which is also unbearable here atm.
I'm also an introvert and I can't stand small talk. BUT... this post by Lyle has changed my view on small talk. It's the gateway to either no talk or "deep talk". I like it.
Haha, I like that!
Interesting. For some reason, I would expect an introvert to want to avoid deeper topics. I’d recommend checking out this piece from my writer friend Sasha Chapin, which partially inspired mine: https://sashachapin.substack.com/p/making-normal-conversations-better
I'll definitely check this out. Thanks!