16 Comments

I like the suggestion of thinking in odds. I have a very overactive mind when it comes to things that trouble me and often find myself on a rollercoaster ride of racing thoughts that takes me straight to worst-case scenarios. Taking the time to step back and consider the more realistic potential outcomes would be hugely helpful for me.

I also come back to two Bible verses when I'm anxious:

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:6-7

"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." ~ 1 Peter 5:7

They remind me that praying is the best thing I can do to deal with worry. :)

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Self-awareness is an amazing skill but like anything be taken too far. I miss subtlety and quiet moments in the presence of people I used to know. It’s tough to build new relationships, but being who you are upfront saves a lot of backend grief!

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This is so true. I feel like I've leaned this way more as I've gotten older, rather than putting on some sort of other character. If people aren't into me as me, then so be it

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As a certified chill person who has always been surrounded by type A personalities, I related to this a lot. From my experience, a lot of people also associate anxiety and ambition. As in, if I’m not stressed about it, how could I be motivated to pursue it. I’ve never thought about trying to convert someone to being more chill, but I like the framework you gave here. I also agree that when you are chill, it’s important to have strong boundaries. I’m always surprised by the amount of people who think being chill means easy to boss around.

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Oh man, your last point really resonates. I've definitely had some instances over the years where I've had to be upfront with someone and they're always surprised since it seems so out of character for me

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You want me to use reason and logic!? How dare yo...no, wait...that actually makes a lot of sense.

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😆

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I often feel like you and I share a brain when I read your newsletter. This time is different. My chillness doesn’t comfort my husband as much as it drives him crazy, though, I think. 😂

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Oh yeah, there are LOTS of those times with Allison too. But I think that’s part of why we work well together. We can feed off of and learn from each other. But yeah, sometimes we drive each other a little crazy lol

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Yes. We temper each other lol

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Brilliant, Lyle. I appreciate your realistic take on worrying. Sometimes it is helpful to worry about things we can actually do something about. To worry about those things that are out of our control, is pointless. You know, -- like politics, other peoples opinions, death. So that narrows it down a bit. Thank you.

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It’s so easy to get caught up in stuff outside of our control. This is a bit silly, but it reminds me of something I’ve thought about when playing golf. Sometimes players—and I would include myself here—will get upset at the wind. They’ll hit a shot and suddenly a gust of wind blows their ball a bit off their intended line. But they have zero control over what the wind does. It’s a ridiculous thing to get upset about 😆

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Lyle, I wish what you said about the reasonable of bosses is true, but it's not. My husband was let go because he missed aa deadline by a few weeks.

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That’s so tough. There’s definitely some nuance to it and everyone’s experience can be different. I wonder how much my generally chill-seeming demeanor has contributed to my experience in that regard

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True. It is a person-dependent experience. We are each a unique package of traits. Some package combinations just don't work! Chill is one trait in the mix. I wonder what you mean by chill? Could you tell a story that illustrates it? My husband is chill because he does know how to read things or to express his own reactions.

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By chill I mean that I generally seem laid back. Take a weekend day like today, for instance. I’m the type of person to much more likely want to relax than get a bunch of housework or errands done. But I also tend to go with the flow, so if Allison wants to tackle a home project, or something similar, then I’ll do it (and sometimes even enjoy it)

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